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Say "No" and Mean it. No More Back and Forth!


My 20 year old son has a strength that I am still trying to find at almost 42... When he says NO, he means NO. When he cuts someone off, that person is CUT OFF. When he is Done, he is DONE... At times, his actions seemed callous to me, because I am that person that doesn't want to hurt others' feelings. I've realized, however, the importance of saying "No", and meaning it.  I've also recognized the reduction of stress (less frustration, feelings of resentment, negative energy in general) that I could have, if I were to decrease "people-pleaser actions". I've linked a great article about People-Pleaser signs, helpful tips on how to stop this type of behavior, and how it affects you. 

If you're not sure that you're a people-pleaser, then here are a few simple questions to ask yourself, when self-evaluating:

  • 1. Do you have a low opinion of yourself? Sometimes our opinion of ourselves is not high enough to be enough. Seeking or needing the praise and appreciation of others is at times more important than it should be...
  • 2. Do you feel like you need others to like you? You do things or make decisions based on the thought process that you either want someone to like you or don't want him/her to Stop liking you...
  • 3.Is it hard for you to say "No"? There are so many reasons why it may be hard for you to say no, but oftentimes it is related to wanting to please the other person...
  • 4. Do you apologize or accept fault, when you are not to blame? OMG! I have struggled with this so much! I have apologized too many times for making a decision that was best for me, but not pleasing to the other person, so I apologized for making that person upset... and then I end up doing what that person wants... smh... Is that you too?
  • 5. Do you find that you never have any free time? You don't have any free time, because you allow others to monopolize your time...
I've asked myself these questions time and time again. I've found myself answering them too often in a way that sways more to people-pleasing behavior. As I have grown in my own self-confidence and become more focused on self-care, I find that it is becoming easier to recognize this negative behavior and am more adamant to discontinue it and decrease stressors in my life.

NOT juggling the wishy-washy communications and interactions of people who only want you for what they can get from you... NOT being guilt-tripped, when you make decisions that are best for you... NOT having to wonder the status of a friendship/relationship, because you allow people to come and go in your life as they please... I am humble enough to say that I can learn something from my son, in my quest to obtain inner peace, inner strength, and  improve self-care.  

I'm saying "I'm Done"... And I mean it this time... What about you?

Thank you for taking the time to read this entry. Please feel free to browse my past entries and contact me, if you like! As always, I leave you, your passionately driven ChristalNicole


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