Friday, April 5, 2019

The Skin You're In... Loving You First

             



Seeking love or companionship, when you haven't learned to love yourself, conquered your own insecurities and embraced your flaws is a dangerous position to put yourself in....

I have this conversation with both women and men quite frequently, actually. The conversation of understanding your decision-making and the power of emotions, self-concept and self-image.

If you've ever read any of my other entries, then you know that I'm all about being transparent and honest with yourself. So, let's be honest. Are you someone who feels that you can't be single? Do you feel like you HAVE to have a man or woman in your life, in order to be happy? Have you made decisions to be with someone, because of those thoughts?.... How did that work out?...




The first step is to love you, who you are and the skin that you are in. I'm sure you've heard people say "How can you expect someone to love you, if you don't love yourself?" While this is true, it is deeper than just saying that you love yourself. You have to take it a step further and actually be "in love" with yourself. Be able to encourage and uplift yourself, regardless of relationship status:


  • I love who I am
  • I make myself happy
  • I am beautiful/handsome to me
  • I believe in myself            
  • I am a good person
  • I have a great personality....
As I end this entry, I will give my usual disclosure....
From experience, I know the consequences of making decisions that were fueled by my own insecurities (ie, low self-esteem, low self-image, low confidence). Not until surviving a violent domestic relationship and being released from one emotionally damaging relationship after another was I able to recognize the impact of my own necessity for strength....

While I still continue to evolve and grow in strength, I am more self-aware, recognize not making decisions out of loneliness or desperation, and I share with others, so that they too can be strengthened...

As always, I hope and pray that this entry has been encouraging, motivational, and a source of strength.  Forever I persevere, your passionately driven ChristalNicole.


Wednesday, February 27, 2019

When Will Someone Accept Me for Me?... Learning to Accept Yourself...


When will someone accept me for me?... Said the girl who couldn't accept herself...

So often we put the pressure on others to give us validation or to "accept us", when all along the "problem" isn't with others but from within our own person. I know that some won't even read this entry in its entirety, because they don't think that they have an issue with self-acceptance. Well, let me ask you a few questions (not a complete assessment, buuuut):

  1.  How many times have you criticized yourself about the smallest thing, and didn't feel good about yourself until someone else came along and gave you positive feedback about the same thing you put yourself down for?
  2. How often do you find fault in the way that you look, and no matter what others say, you still see that fault?
  3. How easily do you change your behavior, in order to "fit in" with others around you, because you deem it necessary?

Truth is...  You'll never be good enough, pretty/handsome enough, slim enough, etcetera, if you can't accept yourself as you are.... Let me say that again, in a different way.... You can't be something for someone else, expect acceptance from someone else or please anyone else, if you can't accept or please yourself (and the choir sings, the hands are raised and the crowd goes wild)... 

So many books, journals and articles have been written to help with this, but the first step is Recognizing the Issue. What good is a book, if it is not read, or a counselor without a client?


My usual self-disclosure: I've always struggled with accepting myself as I am. Never believing that I was good enough in one way or another, while comparing myself to others, their lives and/or their accomplishments. Constantly focusing on my failures, that was me. Above, you see professional photos depicting emotion for the camera, while inside genuinely feeling that darkness... That smile, you see in the last picture is genuine, however. A woman who has decided to accept herself, regardless of others acceptance... And it feels great... A weight still carried but lightened...

You all know that I am a big advocate of positive self-talk and positive re-framing. Take a moment, during your time of self-evaluation, and tell yourself something nice. Be your own number 1 fan and cheer yourself on today! As always, my loves, I leave you your passionately driven ChristalNicole...

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Take Care of Yourself: You Matter Too...

ChristalNicole-refreshed


I know that it's been awhile, since my last post. My apologies to my awesome readers.
I'd like to say that I've been taking some much needed R&R, but unfortunately, it's been the total opposite. I've been super busy! Hence, this blog entry, reminder to not only you but also to MYself...

Work is a grand thing that allows us to pay the bills. "Hustle-mode" is a common phrase, used frequently as motivational and admirable. Being a parent or caretaker of some sort can be a very demanding responsibility...

While there is nothing wrong with either of these states of being, none should saturate your life so intensely that you neglect your health and overall physical/mental well-being.

massage

Am I asking you to give up your job, your hustle and/or your positions of responsibility? Never! I'm all about that "Perseverant Life", but I guarantee that you and those you love will appreciate a less stressed/healthier you...

So, let's talk about a few ways that you can take care of yourself, in the midst of your busy life:

  1. Take a napYes, naps are not just for babies and children. Naps have been proven to help "reboot" the brain and improve mental awareness.
  2. Get a massage... Professional or non can be relaxing and reduce stress, but if at all possible get a professional who knows the proper techniques
  3. Relax... Yes, I know that sounds almost silly and pretty simple, but try out a few different relaxation techniques:
    • Body scan- Focus on one specific part of the body starting from head to toe or vice versa and relax that part of the body, working your way up or down the body (I have discovered times that I was literally laying tense in my bed, and didn't realize it, until I tried this method)
    • Yoga
    • Guided imagery- Focus on places, scenes or experiences that are soothing, relaxing, and help you focus
  4. Eat healthy/exercise... A lifestyle that includes an overall healthy diet and exercise is proven to decrease risk to chronic disease, reduce risk for heart disease, reduce risk for certain cancers and more
ChristalNicole-resting-teddy bear

We've all heard the phrase YOLO, and while that is usually what people say before they do something exciting and/or adventurous, it should also remind you that you only have ONE life to live. Being stressed out, tense, and agitated are not the ways to live it.

As always, I have some really good reads linked within this entry, so don't just take my word for it. 

Get you some rest. Take care of yourself. I will do my best to do the same. Until next time, I am always your passionately driven ChristalNicole...