"... may break my bones... but Words will never hurt me..."
... but we knew even then as children that Words can/do, indeed hurt...
When was the last time you stood in your shower until your fingers were wrinkled, or in some other quiet place away from others, and cried or beat yourself up for allowing the cruel, stupid, negative opinions of others affect you? It's okay to admit it. I'll go first. The last time I did it was a few days ago.
There is no weakness in recognizing an error of judgment. It's called self-evaluation and growth. We cannot be or do better without it. How do we grow from it? We take steps to distance/eliminate the negativity. Again, you say "how Christal?"
- Do I walk away and never speak to that person again? Sometimes, it's necessary. You have to determine how important the relationship/connection is to you (ie. Is this person an incessant negative factor in your life? Is this person a close friend/family member?) Sometimes, total elimination from your life isn't necessary. However, limiting a person's access to you can decrease and even eliminate negative influence...
- Recognize your own strength. The only person whose opinion of you that counts is Your Own!
- Stop caring so much about what other's say about you or their opinions. I've read article after article and journal after journal that will say the same thing- people have a tendency to not only want to please others but also to not want to appear as a failure in others' eyes... NOW STOP! Get that expectation of pleasing everyone out of your brain, because you will NEVER please EveryOne!
- Yes, it's easier said than done. How do you start? Practice, practice, practice... When faced with negative comments and/or lack of support, remind yourself that your goals, dreams, and aspirations are Your Own and no one elses.
- BIG ONE HERE: Stop sharing your plans, dreams, goals, etc with everyone! Everyone that smiles in your face and injects themselves into your life is not there to cheer you on, support you and/or believe in you.
I will never forget the feeling of seeing my mother (I didn't know she was coming) at the top of that hill, during one of my college cross country meets. My mind was telling me that I was tired, but when I saw her screaming "You can do it Chriiiiiis!" I was re-energized. Was it that day, that I ran a 17 min 5k? I can't be certain, but what I can't and won't ever forget is what it felt like to see her and then hear my grandmother, still at least a mile away, screaming my name... The Power in encouraging words...
While we shouldn't depend on others to lift us up, it helps. At the same time, negativity and condescension can also bring us down, if we let it. With this in mind, we should not only practice positive Self-talk, but we should also keep in mind the things we say to others...
Having a support system is a wonderful thing. It should be comprised of persons that remind you of your internal strength and ability to survive and overcome, regardless of what others say, do or think. If you don't have a solid support system, another option is to speak to someone such as myself (a qualified skills trainer/mental health professional), who can assist you with recognizing your strengths and learning how to practice self-empowerment.
As always, I leave you your passionately driven ChristalNicole.
Contact me today, for consulting and speaking engagements.